Forgiveness

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Mat. 6:12&15

Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. Col. 3:19

The number one enemy of relationships is bitterness which is caused by unforgiveness. Hebrews 12:14-15 tells us to pursue peace with all people being careful to not let any root of bitterness spring up and cause trouble and defile many. If not dealt with, bitterness will destroy a relationship. We discussed earlier how relationships are important. When we allow bitterness to creep into our relationships with our spouse and children, we start down the road toward divorce, estrangement and broken lives. We must therefore do everything we can to root out bitterness from our lives.

A successful marriage is not perfect people living perfectly by perfect principles. No one is perfect and no one acts perfectly or perfectly understands God’s ways. We should be striving toward that goal, but until we arrive, we will make mistakes and hurt people. Therefore, what shall we say about what it takes to make a marriage successful? Husbands and wives must suffer and forgive. We will suffer when our spouse hurts us and we must forgive, just like Jesus suffered and forgave.

God told the prophet Hosea to marry a harlot for the purpose of showing how much God loves Israel who was playing the harlot by worshiping other gods. When his wife committed adultery, Hosea was instructed to take her back and forgive her. Can you imagine the pain and suffering Hosea endured because of his unfaithful wife? This paints a picture of how a marriage can be saved: though suffering and forgiveness.

Every married person has suffered from being wronged by their spouse. When wronged, we must forgive or else a root of bitterness will take hold in our heart and eventually produce bitter fruit. Jesus commanded us to forgive, or else our sins will not be forgiven. In Col. 3:19, Paul told husbands to love their wives and not be bitter toward them. Friends, this is serious business. We cannot be playing games because the stakes are extremely high. The only way a marriage can work is if husbands and wives walk in forgiveness toward each other. It is not always easy to forgive, especially when the sin is great. But, we MUST forgive.

Stephen Bell in his book, Forgiveness, lists the following causes of bitterness. I comment on how these causes apply to marriage and the family.

• Dominance or control. When a family member, whether father, mother or child, tries to dominate or control another family member, it will produce anger and bitterness in the controlled person.
• Covenant breaking. The pain of divorce or adultery goes deep and breaks one of the most important covenants people make. These can be the hardest to forgive. Breaking simple promises to our children produces bitterness.
• Abuse of authority. When a father abuses his authority against his family, he is not walking in love. When the abuse is against his children, he will provoke them to wrath or to discouragement. (See Eph. 6:4 and Col. 3:21) This may be one of the leading causes of rebellion in children against their parents. (It was the cause of the American Revolution.)
• Inflicted pain. Physical, emotional and mental abuse causes deep wounds and bitterness toward the perpetrator. However, proper use of the rod will not cause bitterness.
• False expectations. Sometimes we create false ideas of marriage and family life in our minds. The wife dreams of a romantic husband. The father dreams his son will be a pro football player. The parents think their child should behave perfectly in all situations or should act like a twenty-year-old. Bitterness can take root when the dreams and expectations do not come true. Be sure your expectations are based on truth.

Forgiveness is a choice. When we wrong our spouse or children, we should humble ourselves, repent and ask for forgiveness. This will make it easier for them to forgive us. Why should we let our pride destroy our relationships? Forgiveness is the only thing that will save a marriage and keep a family intact.

Sons of Disobedience

Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Ephesians 5:6

Who wants the wrath of God to come upon them? Probably on one. But there are many sons of disobedience today, even many who call themselves Christians.

The Greek word translated disobedience is used seven times in the New Testament and means obstinacy or obstinate to the divine will. In other words, a son of disobedience knows what to do but refuses to do it. Paul uses the term “sons of disobedience” three times, in Eph. 2:2, 5:6 and Col. 3:6. From these three references we see that the sons of disobedience partake in the following: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desires, filthiness, foolish talking, coarse joking, anger, malice, wrath, blasphemy, filthy language, lies, and covetousness which is idolatry. As you can see from this list, most of the world are sons of disobedience. Paul tells us in Col. 3:5 to put these things to death in our lives.  We were called out of these things and to put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him. If we continue in these things, we are being disobedient.

The spirit who works in the sons of disobedience is called the Prince of the Power of the Air.  Eph. 2:2.  I believe this is the same spirit as the Queen of Heaven mentioned in Jeremiah 44 and the Harlot in Revelation 17. It is a wicked spirit which God will destroy in one hour. It works in the air. Since we all live in the air, we are all subject to its working, if we allow it.

The writer of Hebrews uses the same word in chapter 4.  In the KJV, it is translated unbelief. The children of Israel did not enter into God’s rest because of disobedience. Eph. 5:5 shows that the sons of disobedience will not have any inheritance in the Kingdom of Heaven. This is serious stuff. The children of Israel cried when God told them to turn back into the wilderness because their disobedience prevented them from entering into the promised land. Some tried to go, but they were met with defeat. I believe it will be the same way at the first resurrection. Christians will cry when they see that they missed it.

Do not let your hearts be deceived with empty words. When a person watches a movie that jokes about fornication (or shows it) is participating in fornication. I woman who dresses seductively or immodestly is participating in fornication. (Jesus said if you think about fornicating, you are guilty of fornicating with the woman. A woman who encourages those thoughts is fornicating with the lustful man. See Mat. 5:28.) The people who throw their money at the feet of prosperity teachers to get a 100-fold return are guilty of covetousness. These folks will have NO inheritance is the Kingdom of God and will find themselves outside the city wailing and gnashing their teeth.

We must repent and put off these things and put on the new man. We must rebuke the Prince of the Power of the Air and refuse to let that spirit work in us. We know what God requires of us. Let us not be obstinant, disobedience and unbelieving.

The way of the overcomer is difficult, but it is worth the effort to receive an inheritance in the Kingdom of God.

Godly Parenting

I recently read a popular book on raising godly children. Most of the advice was very good.  There have been thousands of parents and their children who have benefited from book and the ministry that put out the book. (There is a dire need in the church for good parenting.)  I have seen good fruit in the families who take their advice.  But something wasn’t quite right.  Then it hit me.  The book (and probably every other parenting book) focuses on the child, not the parents. The book assumes that the parents are okay, and all they need to do to succeed is to learn how to properly train and disciple their children. It does briefly say that you cannot teach a child morality if you are immoral, but the focus of the book is on the children.  Often, parents turn to parenting books because they have a problem child who they want to “fix.” Sometimes they weren’t raise properly and want to find out how to be a good parent.  However, the root problem is almost never with the child.  It is with the parents.  The books do not deal directly with the parents’ issues (probably because that type of book wouldn’t sell.)

The real issue is order in the family.  If the husband is in rebellion to God, he has little hope of dealing with rebellion in his children.  If the wife is not in submission to her husband, how can she expect her children to be in submission to her? Paul laid out the family order in Ephesians 5:22 – 6:4.  Here are some selected verses from that passage.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife … so let the wives be [subject] to their own husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her… [L]et each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right… And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training of the Lord.

Paul also said in 1 Cor 11:3, “But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” Notice that in Ephesians, Paul addressed the parents and their duties and responsibilities BEFORE he addressed the children and their duty to obey their parents.  The husband and wife have to be right with each other and with God BEFORE they can successfully deal with their children’s obedience.  Half the job of raising children is making sure the family is in the right order and you are submitted to God.  You cannot deal with rebellion in your children without dealing with the rebellion in your own heart.  You are a hypocrite if you try to require obedience from your children when you are not obeying your heavenly Father.  You must take the log out of your own eye before you can take the speck out of your child’s eye.

On a similar note, a husband cannot expect submission from his wife until he is in submission to the Father and he is loving his wife.

Submission is hearing and obeying.  If the parents are not listening to the Father, they won’t even hear His commands.  If they hear His commands but fail to obey instantly, they are like the foolish man who builds his house on the sand.  When the storm comes, the house will fall.  If a husband does not obey the Father, his house will fall into chaos.  Unfortunately, when the house is in chaos, the children are blamed. They are only reflecting the state of the parents.

So it is usually not the child that needs “fixed,” it is the parents that need “fixed.”  Unfortunately, most people don’t want to hear the unpopular message of repentance and change.  Therefore, you don’t see many parenting books focusing on the parents.

The second issue most parenting books (and most churches) do not address is demons.  The book I reviewed talked about besetting sins of each temperament  (as described by Tim LaHaye) and used the theory of temperaments to explain why a child will have a repeated behavior that you can’t seem to get the child to overcome.  I’m going to be blunt.  The theory of temperaments did not originate from the bible, it originated in paganism and was espoused by Hippocrates 2000 years ago.  Understanding temperaments is not the answer.  Instead, children, and their parents, have demons that negatively impact their lives.  Jesus spent a significant portion of his earthly ministry casting demons out of God’s people.  In Matthew 10:5-8, Jesus commanded his disciples to go to the lost sheep of the house of Israel and heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead and cast out demons.  Casting out demons, or deliverance from demons, is a vital part of the full gospel.  A child with a spirit of rejection will do things to cause him or her to be rejected.  You can’t spank and time out a demon out of the child.  The demon must be cast out in the name of Jesus.  Only then can you begin to train the child in the right way to go.  Most Christians are ignorant of demons, deny their existence or deny heir ability to inhabit a Christian.  However, if you deny the fact that demons could be a problem, you will never get to the root of a child’s problem.  All that the child training techniques can do is cover up the infection.  However, eventually the sickness under the surface will explode and you will have a mess.  This often occurs in the teen years.  Sometimes it will manifest later in life.  The result is a crippled person who is emotionally devastated. Their parents just don’t understand what happened because they raised the child according to “the book.”

It is beyond the scope of this article to fully explain deliverance and the how demons get in a child and how they affect a child.  My pastor, Steve Bell, has 30 years of experience casting out demons. He has often had parents bring their problem child to him so he can “fix” the child. He has learned that he can’t cast demons out of a child until the parents have dealt with their own demons.  He says, “Let’s start with the parents.”  Unfortunately, he rarely sees the parents again because they don’t want to deal with their own issues.

In Mark 9, Jesus finds a demonized boy after he came down from the mount of transfiguration.  His disciples couldn’t cast the demon out. Before Jesus casted the demon out of the boy, he dealt with the father’s unbelief.  Once the father repented, Jesus cast out the demon out of the boy.

In conclusion, I think that raising children is much more simple than most child-rearing books present.  The key is the parents.  As long as the parents are on the narrow path of listening to and obeying God, their children will naturally fall into line.  Obviously, there is work involved, but the task will be less arduous. As the parents are being set free of their strongholds, they will also be setting their children free.

The Hard Way or the Easy Way

For some reason, my young children don’t like to have their hair washed.  When they protest, I tell them, “Do you want to do it the hard way or the easy way?  Either way, I’m going to wash your hair.”  Children don’t always follow reason and they usually choose the hard way.  However, after a few washes the hard way, they begin to cooperate with only verbal protests.  With persistence on my part, they begin doing it the easy way without a complaint.  A hair wash becomes a peaceful event.

God deals with us in the same way.  He has a plan for us and as a good father, He will bring us to maturity.  He asks us, “Do you want to do it the hard way or the easy way?  Either way, My plan for you will be accomplished.”  The easy way is to submit to His will.  The hard way is to assert our will.  Like a young child, we usually choose the hard way.

I spent four long years in the navy.  It was a hard time for me.  At the time, I thought I was been treated unfairly.  However, looking back I saw that I had issues in my life that my Father wanted me to deal with.  From hindsight I can say that I failed the test.  I chose the hard way and asserted my will and failed to yield to God’s dealings in my life.  If I had chosen the easy way, my experience would still have been unpleasant.  However, a proper attitude would have made the situation more bearable and I would have matured sooner.  So now I can say that I’m glad I was in the navy even though I would not do it again.

Most people are like strong-willed children and repeatedly choose the hard way.  Thankfully our Father is much more patient than we are.  He bears with us a long time.  Contrary to what many believe, our Father knows how to train His children and He will succeed.  He is God and we are not.  Some will take much more time than others.  Some will require more severe discipline than others.  Through His love for the whole world, He will bring everyone into maturity for every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord.  Many will not reach maturity in this age and they will not be overcomers and will not receive the reward that could have been theirs.  But like the child who resists hair washes, they will eventually submit to their heavenly Father’s will.  And there will be peace on Earth.

Do You Really Want It Now?

Some Christians believe they can come boldly before the Father and demand that He give them what they want.  A king’s son has the right to what he wants.  It is part of his inheritance.  God gives good gifts out of His abundance.  Right?

Aside from the fact that I would disciple my son if he would come to me with such an attitude, there is a very good reason why a child of God would not want to make such demands to God.

These folks will testify that it works.  God gives them what they demand.  They reason that since it works, it is proper to demand things from God.  I agree that God does give them their demands, but it is not a good thing for them.

Jesus tells the story of two sons.  Both sons have an inheritance from their father.  One son, the youngest, goes to his father and demands his inheritance.  Guess what.  The father grants his request. Oh happy day!  He can now enjoy his inheritance and live like a king!  Surely, he has his father’s blessing because his father answered his prayer!  We know the rest of the story.  The young man spends everything in wasteful living until he is destitute.  He comes to his senses and returns to his father.  The father joyfully receives him, kills the fatted calf and throws a party.  The story has a happy ending for the father and the younger son.  However, there is something that is overlooked.  The prodigal, while a son, has no more inheritance.  The father told the older son, “All that I have is yours.”  There is no inheritance left for the younger because he already received it and wasted it. He is “saved”, but he lost his reward or inheritance.

Perhaps it will be the same for those who demand their inheritance now.  The prodigal was extremely self-centered and immature.  I think those who dare to make demands of the Father are similarly self-centered and immature.  Would it not be better to have the Father come to you and say, “You have been faithful with little, therefore I now give you a greater amount because I know you can handle it.”

By faith, we know that the Father will supply all our needs according to His riches in glory.  He knows what we need before we ask or think about it.  We can live humbly before Him with all our needs met.  If there is something you want, you can humbly ask God what He thinks about it.  If He says no, you are content because you know God has your best interests at heart.  The mature person says, “This is what I want; nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done.”

What a tragedy to waste your inheritance in this age, when we have the ages to come.

Hear and Obey

Remember therefore how you have received and heard; hold fast and repent.  Therefore if you will not watch, I will come upon you as a thief, and you will not know what hour I will come upon you. Rev 3:3

These words were spoken to the church in Sardis who had a reputation for being alive, but was dead.  Their works were not complete.  Like the 5 foolish virgins, they knew what to do, but only partially obeyed.  The ten virgins knew they were going to a nighttime wedding party and that they needed to have a lamp and enough oil for the party.  The 5 wise virgins completely obeyed, but the 5 foolish only partly.  They had their lamps and some oil, but not enough for the entire party.  They foolishly rested before completing their preparations.

We are admonished to remember what we have received and heard.  Thankfully, God wrote down what He has spoken and we can read it in the Bible.  We must read His Word and then do it!  Thankfully, He also speaks to us today through His Holy Spirit.  There are things I know God has spoken to me through the Holy Spirit.  I am responsible now to do those things.  If I fail, I will be shut out of the wedding feast like the 5 foolish virgins.

In Luke  11:28, Jesus said, “[B]lessed are those who hear the word of God and keep it!” Later, in Luke 12:47, Jesus said, “And that servant who knew his master’s will, and did not prepare himself or do according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes.”  Jesus has the same message in the parable of the wise and foolish builders.

How much clearer can this be?

Daily, I ask the Lord what I should do today.  He is faithful to tell me.  His yoke is easy and His burden is light.  The responsibility given to the ten virgins was light.  All they had to do was have their lamps and sufficient oil.  It was not a difficult task.  God is not going to tell you to do something that is beyond your capabilities.

All He wants from us is to HEAR and OBEY.

Fulfill Your Purpose

We were watching The Sound of Music and the Reverend Mother told Maria something very profound.  She said (paraphrased) that we were born for a purpose and we must each fulfill that purpose.  She also told Maria that her purpose might be to be a wife and mother which was as noble as being a nun.  She is absolutely right.  God calls each of us to fulfill a purpose on this earth and we must find and fulfill that purpose.

Can you, without hesitation, say what God has called you to do?  If not, seek Him earnestly for your gifting and calling.  He doesn’t always write it on the wall in bold neon letters.  We usually must search for our purpose.  The Holy Spirit will reveal it to you.

Don’t let other’s expectations determine your purpose.  Don’t become a doctor just because your mother thinks you should be one.  Don’t become a pastor or a missionary because you think those are the “highest” callings.  If everyone were a pastor, who would grow food or make automobiles or fix the A/C or collect the garbage?  God needs people to do different things to keep the world functioning.  One calling is not better than another, only different.

Don’t reject God’s calling because you think it is too lowly.  God knows best.  You will not experience the joy of the Lord to the fullest until you embrace God’s calling for your life.  Pursuing anything else will be work and drudgery.  You will generally be irritable and unhappy.  Your life will be empty and unfulfilled.  Once you submit to God’s will for your life, you will start “living.”